


κακοθερής

by SebsNightmareCure (orphan_account)



Series: 50 Worst Dates (MCU) [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: A Single Kangaroo, Alien Invasion Turned Extinction, Australian Slang, Blue Skin Kink, Explicit Sexual Content, I'm Sorry, Loki's Jötunn Form, M/M, Penile Frostbite, Peter Parker is a Meme, Set in Outback Australia, Shower Sex, Smut, Title is in Greek but it's English I swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-03
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-06 08:20:11
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15882204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/SebsNightmareCure
Summary: κακοθερής: (Ancient Greek) unfitted to endure summer heat.Loki and Steve get together in the Outback.





	κακοθερής

**Author's Note:**

  * For [orul82](https://archiveofourown.org/users/orul82/gifts).



> Blame @strayakids on Tumblr for this seeing the light of day. I'm ashamed of how much time I spent on this. If I'm honest, I'm too proud of this for my one good.  
> If these tags don't even show up on AO3 Tag of the Day it'll be a miracle.  
> Please enjoy.

Invasions had to be one of the most rewarding parts of being an Avenger. Every so often, an army of extraterrestrials - and sometimes ultraterrestrials, but they were a different story entirely - would attack the Earth with hopes of dominion. And when they did, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes would suit up to face them. A battle of epic proportions would ensue, proving once more that humanity was a formidable opponent. Uproarious celebrations, reminiscent of those Loki had grown up with on Asgard, would follow. But, this particular invasion had to be the most frustrating affair he had ever endured.

It had been three days since the invasion itself. Thousands of soldiers from a far off planet had appeared on Midgard, ready to battle the armies of Earth on its most dangerous continent: Australia. They arrived in search of blood and fought valiantly for all of about five minutes until the blistering heat dried out their moisture-dependant bodies, and they keeled over and died scattered throughout the deserts that made up the middle of the foul, red land. And the Avengers, being the first line of defence against these forces, were forced to clean-up.

The task was slow and tedious. As fate would have it, the decaying fluids that burst forth from the corpses contained urushiol, an irritant to human skin. This rendered half of the team useless, doubling the workload for the rest.Loki, being Jötunn by birth, was not affected by the toxin, nor was Thor. The super-soldiers, being enhanced individuals, had little reaction to the fluids, only developing a slightly redder complexion. The spider-boy responded similarly, even going as far as to put some of the grey goo into his mouth to prove his point. It tasted of peanut butter - if you were wondering. Those who could stand the itch were split into pairs and sent off in different directions to start shifting and containing the wreckage. Tony Stark, whose suit protected him, went with the young Peter to the north. James and Thor made their own team and went south. That left him with Mr. All American Dreamboat himself.

They had gone into the east, clearing away the fallen soldiers. Steve was doing most of the heavy lifting, carrying the bodies into piles. From there, Loki would weave complicated spells vanishing the bodies back to whence they came. It was slow and tiring work. The ancient required a great amount of concentration. He had to dig through the memories that had not yet faded from the body, and will it to return home. Some of the souls were stubborn and wanted to stay on the battlefield to be remembered gloriously. He needed to persuade them, appeal to any compassion their bloodthirsty minds had left. Others wanted to return home but were too embarrassed to leave. Some had suffered brain haemorrhaging and simply couldn’t remember where they belonged, and others were too long dead to return home. Those were blasted straight into space to float aimlessly through the stars with the rest of the space junk.

It had been three days already, and they had barely scratched the surface. He estimated that he’d vanished near two hundred corpses by this point, but still, wherever his eyes roamed, another would be waiting. Steve was gone from him longer and longer each time he travelled to collect more of them. He’d run off into the distance, returning minutes or hours later with up to ten aliens in his wake. He was a sight to behold. Long lines of muscles tanned gracefully in the sun. Sweat dripped down his brow, covered in goop and blood. He looked every bit the same as the palace guards Loki could never admit that he had crushes on when he was younger. The sight of the man would have made him hot around the collar if he wasn’t already ailed by heat exhaustion.

You see, the worst part of the whole situation wasn’t the dead aliens. He’d seen far worse battles and taken part in more graphic and brutal scenes. A handful of decaying decapods weren’t a problem. It wasn’t the draining magic. A great wizardly challenge was welcome after many months of being asked to make objects fly or change the colour of certain others for Peter and Shuri. Of course, such an ambitious pursuit was strenuous, but it was rewarding. The worst part of this wasn’t even being forced to watch the object of his sadly unrequited affection perform deeds of incredible difficulty with little struggle. He could deal with sexual frustration for the chance to ogle shamelessly at the most shapely ass in the universe.

The worst part of this mission was the heat.

The sun burned with a might that only dying stars could manage. The heat was unlike anything he had experienced before. He had been banished to barren moons with a more pleasant atmosphere. He could feel it blistering the skin of his human form. It was red and raw, not to mention painful. He felt the urge to scratch the peeling skin but knew that the relief would be far too temporary. He was sweating like a Bilgesnipe steak. It pooled in his robes and sandals, his own personal inland sea gushing from his pores. It was hell on Earth.

And there he sat, baking in the desert. He had finished with the last batch of corpses and was now occupying himself by muttering complaints under his breath. He was lost in thought. So lost, in fact, that he hadn’t noticed that Steve had returned. All six feet of his enhanced body painted with a perfect tan, not an inch of him fallible in any way. Loki was pulled swiftly from his thoughts when he heard someone calling his name.

“-ki. Loki?” called Steve’s voice, sounding concerned. He had crouched down in front of the other man.

Loki flinched violently out of surprise and tried to mask his reaction with a casual hum of acknowledgment.The noise he made was as far from what he had intended as it could possibly get. He hummed like a clogged trumpet, a low sound with little resonance. He was reminded of a video Peter had shown him of a harmonica and a vacuum cleaner.

“You feeling okay?” Steve asked, reaching out to feel his forehead. The gesture, both desired and unexpected, short-circuited Loki’s brain.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat, and regained enough composure to answer, “Hot.”

“No kidding.” Laughed Steve. “You must be hundred degrees!”

Loki didn’t know what that measurement represented, but he assumed it was somewhere between ‘bloody hot’ and ‘fucking roasting’.

“Quite. How anyone could stand to live with this wretched heat, I’ll never know.”

He wiped his hand across his brow spreading water droplets as he went. Even his sweat was warm. He wondered what he wouldn’t give to transform into his Jötunn form for five minutes.

He was so muddled with the heat that he didn’t realise that he’d expressed that thought out loud. He must have, however, because Steve replied,

“Why don’t you?”

Loki tried to find a good reason why he should not. Steve seemed confused as to why he hadn’t done it already. As if what Loki had suggested was the obvious choice. If the others had been there, it would have been clear that he hadn’t changed because it would have unnerved them. Doctor Banner in particular. But Steve - _wonderful Steve -_ didn’t seem to mind at all.

“I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. The change can be disturbing.”

Steve laughed. It sounded like a thousand perfect puppies running across a drum. It was the most beautiful sound that he had ever heard.

“You’re seriously telling the _super-soldier_ that your body swap is a disturbing change? You do remember how I got this body, right?”

If he was honest, Loki felt foolish for not having considered that before. _Of course,_ Steve would let him transform if it would make him more comfortable. Steve was the most polite being in the Nine Realms. He would stop breathing if it was upsetting someone.

“I suppose you’re right, Captain. If you’ll allow me a moment, I’ll _get changed,_ so to speak.”

Steve nodded, turning around to allow him some privacy. Loki found that humorous, but also endearing.

He took his time, focusing on the magic he needed to draw on for this spell. It was a process he knew well, and even after all these months, it came naturally to him. Taking deep, controlled breaths, he focused his energy on his form. He felt the layers of sun-scorched skin give way to the cool caress of his true form. He took a few moments to steady himself, letting his body finish rearranging himself.

He was more comfortable than he had been since arriving on that continent. The maddening heat of the sun felt like a warm kiss instead of a burning sheet of light. He felt cool, light and breezy. A moan of relief slipped from his lips.

Steve seemed impressed by the transformation. Loki could feel his eyes taking in each detail of his new look. It was an arousing thought, Steve admiring his beauty in such a way. He half expected the blonde to make a lewd comment of some description. He did not.

“Feeling better?”

“Yes. Very much so, thank you.”

“You look better.” said Steve.

A full twelve seconds passed before anyone spoke again. Loki wasn’t sure what to say. Steve had complimented him, flirted with him even. And he seemed not to care. He was just standing there, looking at the dead aliens, saying nothing.

“Pardon?” asked Loki, still too confused to form an appropriate response.

“You look like you feel better. Cooler.” said Steve.

It should have been obvious that Mr. Politeness wouldn’t have come onto him. He wasn’t like that. He was simply too good, too modest to do something like that.

“You look good, though. You’ve gotta lotta spunk.” said Steve, looking him up and down like a lion does its prey.

Well, he’d misread that one. Apparently Steve could use his perfect lips to talk dirty. If his laugh was the purest sound in this galaxy, then his deep voice rumbling compliments was the dirtiest. And Loki wanted him to do it again. Often.

“I thought you were into human beings, Captain.” he quipped, fixing the man with a seductive stare.

“Yeah, and I thought I was into gals. But, times have changed. I guess I’m into whatever comes my way these days.” Steve shifted a body closer to Loki, “And that’s the last of these guys.”

A feeling settled in the pit his stomach. He was glad to be finished with the ten-legged terrors. But, he wished he could spend some more time with Steve. Learn a bit more about what the Captain meant by ‘anything that comes his way.’

He set about his business, sending the souls home. It was over fairly quickly, seeing as the last of the aliens were too dead to make the voyage, and simply needed blasting out of the Milky Way. Not a half hour had passed before there were no bodies to break up his perfect view of the land he stood on. Without the heat, it was a beautiful place.

Steve had wandered away during the cleaning process, and could be seen fiddling with his phone. He doubted the reception out here was very good, but it was Stark Tech and S.H.I.E.L.D property, so he supposed it must work anywhere. When he walked back over, he didn’t look happy.

“Everyone’s finished up, so we should be all set to go home. Except that S.H.I.E.L.D can’t spare an extraction team and the plane has no fuel. So, we've been booked into a hotel about thirty miles from here, and we’ll get picked up sometime tomorrow.”

Steve held out his hand, offering it to Loki, and helping him to stand. His hand, warm and rough, was a strong contrast with his own. Steve noticed as well, rising him eyebrows in question. Loki shrugged. Steve changed the subject.

“If we start walking now, we should get there by sundown.”

“Lead the way, Captain. I’ll be glad to sleep in something other than a glorified plastic bag.”

Steve laughed. S.H.I.E.L.D had provided them with ‘sleeping bags’ that rustles like a pile of leaves whenever you moved. They could hardly be classed as bedding, but it was better than nothing. That being said, he couldn’t wait to sleep on a mattress again.

“Beats the ground, though.” agreed Steve.

They walked in companionable silence for a mile or two. Loki basked in Steve’s company. The sound of footsteps and his crush’s breathing was comforting. It was almost a perfect moment. The flies determined on flying into any available hole on his face mostly ruined it.

The silence grew stagnant. The midday sun was shining down on them, warming his back and no doubt scorching Steve’s. He longed for conversation, but was unsure what to ask. A question crossed his mind.

“Captain?” he asked.

Steve looked over at him in acknowledgment.

“You said something earlier, and it has been playing on my mind.”

“And what’s that?” asked Steve.

“To quote, ‘I’m into whatever comes my way these days.’ What did you mean by that?”

Steve sighed. After a moment, he chuckled.

“When I was born, the world was so small. Guys liked girls, girls liked guys, and it was all black and white. Anyone who didn’t, well, they didn’t fit into society. Back then, the moon was the only thing in the sky anyone had any hope of reaching, and even that didn’t seem plausible. When I woke up, space wasn’t just the place Earth lived. There were hundreds of other planets that we knew about, with millions of people. Humanity wasn’t all there was. I guess I decided not to choose to like some and not like others. Life’s different, why shouldn’t we just embrace the new, and not care who we love. That’s confusing. I hope that answered your question, ‘cause I can’t explain it any better than that.”

While the answer was flawed in its delivery, Loki understood the sentiment. It was much the same as his own views. He told Steve this.

The conversation died away for a moment. Another question crossed his mind.

“Even aliens?” he asked. Steve laughed again. It was as beautiful as the first time Loki heard it.

“Yep. More than a couple o’ times, actually.”

Curious, Loki asked,

“Anyone we know?”

“Oh, boy. Yep, yeah a few of those.”

Even more curious, “Like who?”

Steve laughed. The man almost never laughed when they were in the Tower, but out here, he seemed to be full to bursting with joy. It was intoxicating.

“Gamora. I’d never seen anything quite like that. And I didn’t know why I liked her, but I guess she reminded me of Peggy in some way. Same with Natasha, but not in that way.”

Loki hummed. Even he had found her to be enticing in a way.

“And her sister, what was her name?”

Steve clicked his fingers trying to remember.

“Nebula.” supplied Loki.

“That’s it!” Steve cried, clapping Loki on the back with his hand. It was forceful enough to make him stumble. He would be lying if it he said it hadn’t turned him on a little.

“Yeah. She was _hot._ Scary, but so hot.”

Loki had a mischievous thought.

“Got a thing for power-hungry aliens in blue, do you, Captain?” He smirked.

“Maybe.” rasped Steve, looking at the other with the same hungry stare as earlier.

Too stunned to answer, and too embarrassed to continue, the walked once more in silence. The sun continued to beat down on them. They stopped to rest on top of an abandoned car, rusting on the side of a dirt highway. Even then, the conversation had run dry.

Two hours passed. Loki saw a kangaroo. They stopped to take a picture. If he’d had a bucket list, he would have ticked that particular item off it, but seeing as he didn’t he settled for sending the picture to young Peter. He and Tony had found apparently time to visit a zoo, so he received a photograph of the child holding a small bear. Steve had found it amusing.

“Leave it to Tony to turn a mission into a sight seeing trip.”

And Loki was inclined to agree. He had seen the man stop to get a churro in the middle of a robot attack. It would have been amusing if Loki had any patience for the man. Unfortunately, Stark reminded him all too strongly of Odin, and of himself.

They continued in on until the sun began to set. The heat was gone leaving them with biting cold. He didn’t mind, his body was built for this, but Steve seemed to. The man even pulled his uniform back up, which he had rolled down to his hips. Loki was almost sad that he was losing his torso perving privileges, but this view was almost as good.

Not long after, Steve turned his head torch on. Because it was designed by Stark, the whole ‘A’ that emblazoned the front of his helmet lit up, sending a beam of light in the shape of the letter many feet into the distance. It was distractingly silly at times, but he was grateful for the light.

Only now did he find his voice.

“So, Captain. Have you enjoyed Australia?” he asked. The question was as desperate as it sounded.

“Sure. Saw a lot more of it than I thought I would. A lot of dirt. I’ve never seem dirt so red on Earth. It’s amazing. A even put a handful of it in my pocket to take home.”

He couldn’t help himself. He laughed. Of course Steve would keep some special dirt that he had found. Mr. USA had a knack for doing the cutest things imaginable.

“Something funny?” smiled Steve, holding back laughter himself. Loki wasn’t sure why he was laughing, but it had been a long week. He’d have laughed at a particularly large rock if it was placed in front of him.

“Forgive me, Captain. I was simply thinking that you really are the pinnacle of the human race.” said Loki before he could stop himself.

“Why do you say things like that, then stop?” Steve asked.

“Pardon?” said Loki in confusion.

Steve shook his hands in front of his chest in frustration, gesturing to Loki.

“You say these sweet things that can melt a fella’s heart, and then you just go about your business. I don’t get it. If you really mean those things, why don’t you ever do anything about ‘em?” whined Steve.

Loki had to think about his answer. “Because I am the worst Jötunnheim has to offer. I didn’t think you could ever want me.”

“I think I’ll be the judge of that.” said Steve matter-of-factly. “If you’ll have me, that is.”

Cheeks on fire, Loki replied, “Always, dear Captain.”

They continued to flirt and banter for the next few miles. The conversation ranged from the traditional flirting to ‘Do you top or bottom?’ and ‘How do you feel about anal?’

A mile away from where they were staying Steve reminded Loki to change back into his human form, so as to not scare the Australians. Loki quipped that if their wildlife didn’t scare them, nothing could, but slipped back into his human skin all the same. It was burnt and painful and he had to bite his cheek to keep from complaining. Steve distracted him with more of his delicious sex talk.

By the time they reached the town where they would be staying, Loki was sporting a hard on that wouldn’t be easy to conceal. Luckily, it was late, and most of the locals had gone home.

Steve had no trouble finding the motel, a quaint little bed and breakfast titled ‘The Outback Glory.’ It looked like it had never been properly renovated, and the light-up sign boasted that it offered colour television, but he saw no real fault in it. Even this was more than he expected from the asshole of everywhere.

He lurked awkwardly in the background while Steve chatted with the peppy receptionist at the desk. He even consented to a selfie with girl. Loki admired the painting of the desert that hung on the wall. He didn’t see the point in its being there seeing as the desert was right outside the door, but it gave him something to look at so he didn’t get too flustered when Steve declared they would only be needing the one room.

They were directed to the bistro for dinner, and this was the first time in three days that he had even realised that he was hungry. The receptionist had them seated at table near the back, the quieter section of the dining area, reserved mostly for families. Every other section seemed to be filled with crude young men in fluorescent yellow t-shirts. They were covered in dirt, and all had at least three empty glasses beside them. But, the atmosphere was pleasant, and the food was good, so he couldn’t really complain.

Steve inhaled two steaks by the time Loki had eaten his fill of what the chef had called a ‘Chicken Shnitty’, and had gestured to the plate where half of it still lay in request.

“Go ahead. I couldn’t possibly finish it.” he said, sliding it towards him.

Steve’s eyes rolled back in pleasure when he ate the first bite. It gave Loki some very not good thoughts. He had to excuse himself to the bathroom to calm down. When he came back, it appeared that Steve had ordered another round of ‘Shnitty’ for himself, as well as a weird little white mound with fruit on top. Loki tried a bite of it out of curiosity. It tasted like sweet dust. He excused himself to settle in for the night.

He showered in the wood-lined shower, washing the sweat and dirt from the days passed off his skin. It was nice to feel clean for the first time since he got here. He was busy washing his hair when Steve arrived in the room. The man stripped out of his uniform and joined Loki in washing.

It started innocent. Steve cleaned himself with the soaps provided by the staff. He no longer smelt of sweat and dead alien, but of eucalyptus and wildflowers. It was a refreshing change. But, after he had finished he backed Loki against the wall.

“Ready to get started, Laufeyson?” he purred, stroking the hair out of Loki’s eyes.

 _Well,_ thought Loki, _as they say here on Midgard, ‘Go big or go home.’_

“Of course, Captain. Let me change into something more comfortable.”

He settled back into his Jötunn form, feeling the cool wash over him, even in the warmth of the shower. Steve growled, pulled him in for a kiss.

It was rushed and passionate, the kiss of two men who didn’t have the time or energy or time for anything more than they needed to do. It lasted a precious few seconds, but it was worth it.

Steve raked his fingernails down his abs, feeling the other man’s body. Loki placed his hands on Steve’s shoulders, running his hands over him, learning him. It was hurried and full of heat.

Soon the air was filled with nothing but panting and moans of pleasure. Hands moved lower, mouths moved faster, but Loki soon grew impatient. He hadn’t done anything like this since he had left Sakaar. He was growing more and more desperate by the minute.

“I hate to hurry you, Captain, but if you plan to get your dick inside me tonight, you’re going to have to do it now. I’m going out of my mind as it is.” Loki groaned.

Steve chuckled darkly. “Someone oughta teach you some patience, Loki. And maybe I will.” He nibbled on the corner of the blue ear, before whispering, “But not tonight.”

He hoisted Loki higher up the wall. Loki wrapped his legs around the muscular torso pressing him to the wall. It was a heady feeling to have the man like this. He wondered if he shouldn’t have made it happen earlier. He was pulled from his thoughts by Steve’s exploring hands on his ass.

Steve, ever the gentleman, was preparing him slowly, with care for his comfort. Loki couldn’t stand to wait a moment longer. With a muttered curse, he spelled himself open and ready.

“I’m gonna have fun teaching you to wait for things, Doll.” said Steve, readying himself for the entrance. “You ready?”

“Oh course I’m fucking ready, Steven! Get on with it!” he groaned, pulling the man ever closer with his legs.

Without further ado, Steve pushed in. In that one moment, everything they had done in the days leading up to this had been worth it. Every dead alien, all sunburns and every awkward silence had led to this perfect moment. Loki was feeling every good feeling that a person could feel all at once. He was touching Steve in every place it was possible to touch. Steve face was pressed against his neck, panting and shaking with need.

Steve was big in every way a person could be. From head to toe he was perfect and large. Including his cock, to Loki’s great pleasure. Long and thick, with a gentle curve, he could feel it in him every nook and cranny. It was nothing like the meaningless flings he’d taken part in with other mortals. He felt whole, owned and opened by the man he had fallen in love with. Valhalla had nothing on Midgard that night.

“I didn’t expect it to be cold. I also didn’t expect to like it.” gasped Steve, pulling out and slamming back in. Loki keened in the back of his throat, feeling every inch of himself and of the Captain.

“I can’t say I’d ever considered it. I haven't been on the receiving end in this form, or I might’ve warned you.” replied Loki. It made sense, but he'd never given it a moment’s thought before.

“Feels good, though. After all the heat of this desert, it’s good to have some cold.”

Steve continued to thrust, hard and deep. His pace varied, leaving his rhythm up to his body and his feelings. It was powerful.

 _We must do this again._ Loki thought.

“Can’t believe I’ve never done this before.” grunted Steve. Loki nodded in response, beyond words.

Words were lost the noise of sex. The water from the shower poured from the drain, but even that couldn’t drown out the noises coming from them. Loki was on the edge of screams. Steve was groaning deep in his chest, holding his lover close with hands of strength enough to make Loki’s hips ache under his fingertips. He wouldn’t have traded this moment for anything. Nothing in the Nine Realms measured even close to this moment.

He came. So did Steve. There was a moment of pure stillness, pleasure filling the air, almost tangible in its magnitude. And this, Loki thought, was what he had been spared for. This was the reason he was alive. For this moment with Steve.

The moment passed, and Loki’s attention was brought to the his own sperm. It should have been drying on his chest at this time, but not in this form. It seemed that the coldness the rested at the centre of his being had been forced outwards in the moment of touch and climax.

“Cum icicle.” mused Steve. And, well, he wasn’t wrong. That was the best description he could think of for the phenomenon. One long, cold brick of frozen cum had crystallised between them. It rolled off of his stomach and onto the shower floor as they disentangled themselves. They left it there to melt and wandering into off to bed.

When Loki had gotten up to go to the bathroom in the night, he found it was still there. Being unable to think of anything better to do with it, he wrapped it in his discarded undershirt, and place it in the bag to return to New York with them. Steve could keep it as a trophy if it wasn’t going to do the decent thing and slip down the drain and out of sight.

It wasn’t the only unfortunate souvenir they had brought with them from the land of lust. Steve’s cock had developed a deep drown tinge, and was tender to touch. Areas around the head were turning a shade of black. It reminded him of some of the limbs of the dead aliens from the days previous. ‘Penile frostbite’ the internet had supplied for the condition.

Steve had laughed it off, claiming he’d survived worse and it would go away in no time, but even he didn't seem convinced. The flight home was awkward and silent.

And yet, as he lay in his bed that night, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it. Especially with Steve pressed into his back once more.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, you could read the others in this series. I guarantee they are all this bad, if not worse.  
> Please don't comment I want to forget this ever happened. Good bye.


End file.
